Outcome = Uncertain

Today I am uncertain, and perhaps a bit emotional.  My SO is going to see a rheumatologist.  It is uncertain what he may expect, only that the possibilities before him do not look very good.  It is also uncertain, once he talks to a specialist, if he will know anything new, only that this doctor is well equipped to answer the questions as yet unanswered.

 I knew all of this going into my meditation.  I began burning frankincense and sat down to do the very same meditation that I did yesterday, because the results were so intense, and I felt I needed the boost in energies.  I was able to do the Middle Pillar very easily, not as easily as yesterday, but easier than most.  However, when I started to meditate on the tetragrammaton, I was unable.

As I said the first letter, Yud, my attentions went elsewhere entirely.  I became (that's right, became) a golden eagle.  (I had thought I was a hawk, until I google imaged and found out instead I was an eagle.)  I soared through the air and loved every minute of it.  I thought about never coming down, but then I landed on a tree.  The eagle that I was stopped listening to my thoughts when some small creature, probably a mouse, scampered below.  The eagle went after it.  Really great to be a bird of prey when I have been a vegetarian all my life, *she says sarcastically.*  Anyway, the lesson there is that there is a cycle to life, and it cannot be stopped.  We do not choose whether or not to participate, it is simply there.  Life will go on regardless, and the cycle will continue. 

That is not the end though.  My hollow bone ancestor and spirit guide, Sitting Eagle (yes of course, I get it) came to me and hugged me.  He wrapped a blanket about my shoulders and talked to me.  I asked him about my SO.  He said that he could not tell me that everything was/is going to be alright.  I don't know if this meant that he does not know, or whether he is unable to let me know at this times.  Whatever the case, we walked and I did not press him on the subject.

As we walked, we began to pass a countless long line of people doing various things, almost as if watching a move reel backward.  I surmised now that this was the line of my SO's ancestors, because we stopped when we came to a HUGE tree.  I mean, this tree was so big it could rival Yggdrasil.   Looking back, the tree had no leaves, but looked like it was dormant for winter.

Sitting Eagle looked at me and said, "Remember, energy can heal.  You must fill this tree with light."  I was stunned, "But, the tree is so big.  I am not ready. How can I do that?......"  I sat down to try, when the small alarm on my phone went off saying that I must prepare to work.

(interesting that all of this took place in an hour, but felt like 5 minutes...)